To ponder...

The end is neigh, or is it?..

     Ah well met my friend, just let me hang my soaked clothing up for the weather has turned to rain whilst I was attending my garden. What a past few days it has been with these isles that we live upon deciding to reject the community of the European nations and once more cut our own furrow in the ongoing story of human civilisation. Many folk that I know are now wailing and gnashing their teeth and prophesying the ruination and ultimately the division of these isles many folk  have come to call home.  But I have to wonder is it all bad or perhaps we are a nation of worm-tongues who are never happier than when we overlook the silver linings and just see the storm clouds instead.

     Already the folk who lost out by voting to remain under the faceless government of Europe are claiming that for some reason that this was an incorrect outcome to the referendum and are demanding another as not all of the country voted and that the statistics seem to point to the fact that the older generation largely supported the leave option when they have less time to live with the consequences of this decision.  The remain side also are accusing the leave voters of racism, bigotry, lack of understanding of the consequences and of being culturally numb! Our financial systems will now go into free fall, jobs will be no more and the environment will be destroyed all withing the next twenty four hours if rumour is to be be-leaved. But I wonder to myself my friend if this is to be the case, certainly not within the next twenty four hours m’thinks and maybe not at all. Of course there will always be consequences of such an historic and map changing event but are these consequences any worse or different to those of remaining a part of what many perceive is becoming a federal state run by faceless, un-elected politicians?

What do I think or believe? well my friend I have given some time and thought about this subject and have come to only one conclusion at the moment and that is at this very moment not one person has a clue what the future holds now that we have elected to leave the European community, any more than if we had remained. It will take time, and a great deal of it, to understand where this path we have chosen will now take us but hey I’m up for any adventure so we might as well tag along for the ride. I do think that the people who are now lamenting the withdrawal from Europe and with some of the rhetoric that is coming forth from their quivering lips that they should be totally ashamed of their response to this outcome. If the older generation did indeed swing the vote well so what? every person who is eligible to vote does so under their views and quite frankly the older generation has more experience and, as a general rule, have contributed to this country far longer than the youth of today. As for living with the consequences, well people have fought and died to give the people of this country the right to speak out and to vote in which ever way they deem fit. If the populace make an unwise decision then perhaps we should look inward at education and truthful information and not tabloid scare mongering and unfounded rumour? 

     As for the other insults being banded about such as racism, bigotry, a lack of understanding and the like well these ‘labels’ may be attached to people on both sides of any argument as these traits run, unfortunately so, through the very DNA of many humans no matter how civilised we consider our race to behave. Tis a sad fact that there are always people that will be unsavory characters within any population but to tar all because their vote did not tally with your own is, in my opinion, very childish and very uneducated. And as for being ‘culturally numb’? well these fair isles are steeped in their own culture which has been added to over centuries of population movement from east to west whether it be by invasion, trade or settlement we all have mixed DNA to some degree. But perhaps the people who voted to leave did not wish to be European but rather remain British with all the cultural attachments that come with it? 

Finance, environment and jobs? who knows the answers or has that crystal ball that allows one to peek into the future? Not I for one I can tell you, but one thing that has come to light and is certainly a silver lining is that the people of these isles made a decision and it shook our politicians to the core as they did not believe that we would step out of the line of sheep that they thought we had become and actually vote for ourselves and find our voice so maybe, just maybe from now on perhaps we will learn to use that voice and politicians will listen and act upon it instead of their own vested, self serving interests. As I have said before my friend to make change we must ensure that we use tools such as education and  provide truthful facts for people to learn and make decisions that are for the good of these isles and the environment that we all so depend upon.

Ah I see the clouds and their rain has cleared a tad, I think that I will just chance the outside for a while and get some planting done in my tiny garden. Please don’t get up as I am sure that there will be others seeking to rest and while away the time soon enough my friend. Oh did I vote to leave? well I should have guessed that my chatter would have made you think that way but no, playing the Devil’s advocate is always fun and even though the vote went against my hopes this time, there be only one path to follow now and we should help each other along the way, now where did I lay that trowel down…….


The road has been chosen

Simple life

Grounding myself….

    Ah well met my friend, tis indeed been many turns of the Sun since we last sat and chewed upon the cud together is it not. I hope that you are in fine fettle and that the time since we last sat has been kind to your good self. Myself?, oh there has been a few moments that hung heavy and dark that I could talk about if I was so minded, but I think we should perhaps talk of simpler, more grounding moments that are more befitting of these longer and warmer days. After all at times all it takes is a few words carefully chosen to either ruin or make one’s day does it not?

I must confess to you that since we last spoke I have spent many hours thinking about my life’s direction of late and the negatives along with the positives that shape its course. I guess we can all think of events, good or bad, that have shaped us to the person we are at this very point in time. Whilst contemplating the path behind me I have come to realise that I have let so many issues, whether they be relationships, work pressure, family expectations or a whole host of other of life’s paraphernalia, push my life around like a leave floating upon an ocean at the mercy of currents, tides and the four winds with no form of steerage available to me. This time when looking back upon the road have I come to realise that most of what pushes my wayward path has only had such affect because I let it. In the past I have always tried to do right by others with no thought upon how they were treating me. It was only when rebuilding my mind after it fell into the darkness did I come to realise that I cannot please everyone, that the world cannot be changed by one person and that all the damned guilt that I shall always carry with me for past deeds should not drag me back to the abyss but should rather serve as a reminder to live my life with honor and value every moment. The past has gone and unless I am very much mistaken my friend it cannot be changed but only learnt from.

     So where do you find the best place for contemplating the past my friend? For me it has turned out to be in the soil of the earth. I have taken the time to tend my allotment and my garden of late, and being in contact with the soil brings so many goodly feelings to me:- a sense of peace as I turn the soil, of expectation as seeds are sown, of delight as the first shoots push their tips from the soil to bask in the sunlight, of wonder as I become more and more excepted by the wildlife that visits my gardens until I feel part of something vast and beautiful, of humbleness as the power of the weather tans my skin a leathery brown and the winds and the rain caress my upturned face. There is so much more joy and peace to be found whilst grounding oneself and slowly becoming more in tune with the seasons that what a ‘normal & expected lifestyle’ would ever allow. I am fast becoming to believe that for our own sanity we should be slowing down and trying to reach back to simpler times rather than this headlong rush to a lemming like self destruction via ‘faster, better, bigger, more’ that this species seems to crave for. 

     So it has indeed been the grounding of my whole being whist in contact with the soil that has enabled myself to pause for thought and perhaps place a hand upon the tiller of my life’s direction. A simpler and slower path is where I am heading, ridding myself of unnecessary material possessions or the desire for them, of being more in contact with the soil, of leading a simple and honorable life. Not to atone for past mistakes though my friend, but rather to let my mind find peace and allow me to be the person I should have been many years ago. Ah the hour to take my leave of you has come all to soon, until next we have time to while away some moments may peace be yours my friend.

The primitive in me..., Traveling...

The Grey City…

    I need to take the weight off my feet for a little while my friend, all this running around to prepare for the journey ahead tires me out these days, not so much physically but more mentally. A brew and a bite to eat? that is indeed a splendid idea, please join me for awhile whilst I collect my thoughts…

Where am I traveling too? ah that be the Grey city, London. In my youth the thought of visiting these isles’ capital filled me with both dread and excitement. Perhaps because the center of the Empire should indeed inspire but at the same time cower a soul who comes from a small village in the north of the country. After all is it not the place where decisions that shape the world are made, where rulers both past and present reside, where the hub of world commerce is and where the streets  are paved with gold? A melting pot of cultures where people come from the four corners of the world to settle and intertwine their lives in a vivid, pulsating culture that is warm, welcoming exciting, vibrant and a wonderful celebration of life that provides a mosaic of colors, tastes, feelings and odors that heighten and arouse one’s senses to living life to the absolute full? 

Well perhaps my senses have been dulled over the years and my skepticism has grown in a life that has had too many experiences that make myself doubt many of my views and values that once were solid black and white pillars of certainty?  I find London a grey place that no longer fills me with neither dread nor excitement but rather apathy and a desire to leave that miserable place the moment I arrive. It reeks of corruption and the mental stench of so many lost souls crammed together in the confines of the urban jungle that is the vast majority of the Grey city causes me to recoil and long for the green hills of my homeland. As for a melting pot of cultures? yes there are many of the earth’s peoples to be found in the Grey city but to my mind there is little integration occurring with single race communities living out their lives in areas that may as well have tall walls capped with razor wire for all the interacting with other communities that happens. A warm welcome? I fear not, though I am sure that the Grey city has marvels to behold and places where one’s senses can be set on fire but walking the streets of the Grey city I find the people downcast, rude, absorbed totally within their own ‘life bubble’ and with eyes downcast as if one and all fear the contact that eyes meeting would incur. I fine this the saddest part of  dour experience that is a visit to the Grey city, after all for eons past this nation has been built from so many different cultures, yes most of them invaders but all have melded together adding to our heritage and produced a people that are proud, resourceful, resilient, and capable of the most amazing acts of compassion, inventiveness and bravery. But these days my frequent visits to the Grey city only lead me to doubt that as a people we are evolving along the right pathways anymore. There is such a feeling of oppression that covers those people who reside and live such narrow lives in the Grey city and other such urban jungles that one can almost taste the despair that is surrounding them. 

    My beloved worries about me when we venture to the city of her birth, she says that I stand out like a sore thumb among the downward looking throngs. This is not because of any height advantage, difficult when I am only 5′ 6″ I’m sure but rather because the primitive in me refuses to watch my feet as I walk and refuses to give way to people who think that they should take precedence over others. The primitive in me still gives me pride in being a man and as such I hold my head high, protect those I hold dear and I’ll be damned if the thought or act of making eye contact with another human will ever fill me with fear. My beloved likens me to a lion, a small one albeit, on the Grey city’s streets as there always seems to be a space around me which the downward looking seem to avoid. And yes I take pride in her words, it is not my physicality that people avoid but rather, I like to believe, that it is the primitive in me that people sub-consciously sense and respect. She worries that my pride will lead to a fall when in the Grey city, maybe it will but the primitive in me doubts it somewhat.

     Why do I venture so far south to a place that I dislike? well my friend I can assure you that it is not for pleasure but out of duty that I travel to the city Grey. Perhaps one day I may do the tourist thing and visit the sights of London and maybe, just maybe its colour may change in my eyes, but I doubt that it will be nothing more than the Grey city to me. Ah well my friend I must carry on in my preparations for the road to the Grey city is long and wearisome and fraught with the occasional danger. It will be nice to settle in our chosen inn and dine on suckling boar washed down with the odd vessel of grog this evening at journeys end. 


The primitive in me...

Walking, a primitive connection…

     A very good evening to you and welcome to my hearth, would you mind if I take a seat to while away some moments until I have caught my breath? I must confess to just having come from a walk upon the trails that I really did not want to begin, in fact it took all my mental strength just to step out of the door. Do you often feel like that about the things that deep inside of you know will be good for body, mind & soul yet the actual starting of them is so damned hard? Or perhaps it is just me that fails all to often to pursue the ‘healthy’ option?

     The damn thing is that once my creaking limbs are propelling me along it is not long that the joy of just walking trials, known or new, takes over and other thoughts are left behind, well until my weary bones return home once more. Even when I am less than enthusiastic about setting off upon another adventure, whether short or lengthy, I know that I will thoroughly enjoy the time spent upon the trails and return with both mind and attitude refreshed. So why the hesitation in setting off in the first place?  I honestly do not know the answer to this question though my confidence is low regarding all things at the moment and all too often it seems easier just to curl up, letting life pass me by and tell myself “tomorrow I will make it up and hit the trails”. But this attitude does no one any favors and it is, I believe, far better to fight any malaise by grasping the nettle with both hands and just force one to rise up and face life head on. I am not saying this is easy but the rewards far outweigh any downsides, imagined or real. So tell me, if I may pry, what is your motivation to enrich your life and what perceived barriers, if any, prevent you from starting upon such adventures to accomplish a more enriched life?

     For me though, once the obstacle of actually setting forth is overcome the sheer joy of just being on the trails is far easier for me to explain to you my friend than the reasons that make my hesitate to leave my chair in the first place. The plain and simple fact is, well is actually that I am a plain and simple soul, in fact primitive is a title that I have been branded with upon far more than just the occasional occasion. Am I offended by being labelled so? good grief no, why be offended by the truth? Yes I am primitive, both in my ethics and in what pleases me and walking under whispering trees, along deserted shorelines or lonely mountain trails just goes to reinforce this perception I have of myself. A connection with nature and all its diverse flora and fauna is, in my opinion, one of the most base things anyone should have in their mental make up. I also think that there is nothing at all wrong in considering oneself primitive in any shape or form, it is far to easy to be swayed by the mantle of being ‘civilised’ and lose touch with who or what we really are. I am sorry my friend but that lack of confusion upon your face makes me think that I have failed to explain myself or my thoughts clearly for you to deem what I am trying to say, but then again words are not easy for me at times, I’ll try to explain my thoughts on this subject again….

     When I say that I consider myself primitive and that walking is a connection to a more primitive world for me I am saying that being in touch with nature, the soil, water, flora and fauna makes me feel far more alive than anything else that I do. The smell, taste and feel of just being immersed in nature heightens my senses to such a degree that I start feeling that I am truly a part of the natural order of life and it’s many interlocking connections that for most of the time we, as a species, totally fail to understand and the realisation of being part of, instead of just using nature, is truly awe inspiring for me. For me the definition of being civilised  is now one that covers so many rights or wrongs that being truly civilised these days is a rare thing to find in our species with so many willing to ride roughshod over others for personal gain, whether they appear as individuals, corrupt governments or unruly mobs, that being civilised is perhaps seen by many as a weakness to be exploited? So for myself to be labeled as primitive is really a unintended compliment . For being primitive I take joy in the simple things in life such as walking, simple food, the love of my girl, the gift of true friends and the strength of being able to protect myself and others. Taking joy in the ability to protect others you ask? but of course I do, for being a primitive soul part of my make up is having the strength to do what is right and to be able to stand up against people who would do harm to the ones that I hold dear, and yes ‘doing right’ is not always being lawful but hey sometimes bending the rules that would make me civilised is fun too and sometimes necessary to keep true to myself and my simple ethics of what is right or wrong.

     So my friend I hope you can perhaps now see why walking, for myself, has its primitive connections and why such a simple act appeals to me so much. Perhaps you should try it someday and join with me upon lonely trails? who knows there may well be a primitive in you just aching to taste the freedom of the simple things in life. Ah well I have taken too much of your time and my grumbling stomach is telling me that tis time  to prepare tonight’s meal, something simple I feel possible the ham and some cider. 



To ponder...

A warm welcome…

     Ah there you are my friend, please, pull up a pew and let us talk a while, well at least until the day’s chores call us away. I wonder what brings you to sit here in my company? Perhaps you know me from another place, or maybe a friend mentioned that you may enjoy my company for a time or perhaps you have just stumbled upon me whilst upon your life’s journey? No matter though as you are most welcome to sit there and while away some time, after all nothing is so important that it cannot be left till a later time. I sometimes think that was a bane of my life, always rushing around finishing tasks and trying to please friends, family, neighbours and even strangers. Saying yes to every request for help no matter how trivial or major and hence never having time for myself. I would fit a kitchen or a bedroom for friend, help a neighbour haul a mountain of rubbish to the tip or dig their baked clay garden over for them and so on. The more I did for folk the more they asked of me and it became a ‘catch 22’ situation where ‘good old Mawrth’ would never let a soul down and could be relied upon to complete any task without quibble, payment or favour in return. I will ask you this my friend, do you think that I was well thought of & respected for what I did or was I a soft hearted tool that was there to  be used to ease everyone else’s lives and burdens? The answer is not as straightforward as you may at first perceive with many different factors having to be taken into account but I shall leave you with just one point to ponder and that is what do you think happened and what were people’s reactions when I suddenly stopped and said ‘no’ to the requests with no reason given except that I was not able to help?

     Well it appears that time has caught up with me and that I must ask your leave as the trails are a calling to me and this is one call that I still answer ‘yes’ to, there’s a bridge that needs crossing and hopefully there will be no troll underneath it hoping to make a meal from my well covered bones. What was that? oh I have not answered my own question that I put to you? I am sorry but I will have to pass on that but I hope to meet you here again someday, put please feel free to tarry a little longer and give some thought to my words, after all there is always tomorrow to finish your chores for others.